We’re getting to the end of the year
It’s time to start reflecting
Wondering how I got here
And what I was expecting
From the beginning to the end,
Look how far I’ve come
Even without a boyfriend,
Are you proud of me, mom?
I’ve learned look at the small things that make us feel content
Becoming best friends with my new dog, and smelling a delicious scent
We are here for ourselves,
Because in the end, it’s all we’ve got
At Christmas, we may have the elves,
But we need put ourselves out there, right on the spot.
One year ago, I wouldn’t have stood here,
Not daring, or wanting to disappear,
And wishing the end to be near
But I am strong, I am here.
Ever since I found out I’m an INFP, I felt my life was a little more understandable. I got to know why I feel the way I feel instead of thinking I was a weirdo that didn’t fit into this world. Recently, I discovered I might also be a highly sensitive person, which would explain, for example, why I’m always so emotional. I mentioned my anxiety in previous blog posts, so I’m not going to explain that part.
Here are some of the things I experience:
- Having so many ideas in your head, but not being able to find the words to express them
- Wanting to explore the world but also stay within your comfort zone (a.k.a. not far from home)
- The above also includes wanting to go out with friends but also staying inside and read a book or watch tv
- It also includes wanting to be alone but feeling lonely when you are
- Feeling every single pain in your body and always thinking it must be something bad
- Having this split personality when you feel depressed or are quiet at one moment, whereas the next moment you can be manic or spontaneous and don’t care about anything and being impulsive.
- Your dog being your best friend
- Caring too much about everything
- Being pessimistic and positive at the same time (I don’t even know how this is possible)
- Maybe the positivity is because of the hopefulness
- Stressing out about small things
- The feeling you are not understood
- Usually being late for everything even though this is never your intention
- Being afraid of experiencing a panic attack again
- Being a perfectionist at times
- Always crying whenever there’s a possibility
- Not being able or taking a long time to make decisions
- Wanting to live and eat healthy but it’s not working out the way you want
- Being afraid of an unlived life
- Not wanting to be ordinary
- Not being able to put this list in a good order because ideas keep on coming
How I deal with all of these things, you ask me? Well, I don’t really have an answer, I just do, but sometimes I don’t (my so-called ‘down days’). I do, however, believe that understanding, accepting and loving yourself are the most important steps towards a more happy life.
I hope some of you are familiar with some of these points and remember you’re not the only one feeling this way. If you’re not familiar with this, it’s how some people feel and think sometimes and you should take this into account before you judge someone.